Quick read: Checking on your boys isn’t a long conversation. It’s a short specific text, sent on a regular cadence, with no expectation of a long answer. About 75% of suicide deaths in Canada are men. Most of us got there alone. The check-in fixes that, one brother at a time.
How to Check On Your Boys
If you have men in your life, brothers, friends, cousins, teammates, coworkers, the most useful thing you can do for their mental health is also the simplest. Send a text. Specifically. On a cadence. Without making it a big deal. About 75% of suicide deaths in Canada are men, per the Mental Health Commission of Canada. Most of those men reached the end alone, in part because nobody was checking in on a regular cadence. We can fix that for the men still here.
If a brother is in crisis, please call or text 9-8-8. Free. 24/7.
The text that works
Generic check-ins (“you good bro?”) are too easy to bounce off. The text that lands is specific. Try one of these:
- “Haven’t heard from you in a minute. How are you actually doing?”
- “Saw you bailed on the group chat last week, you good or no?”
- “Random thought, you came to mind today, what’s going on with you?”
- “I’m here if you want to grab a coffee, no agenda. This week any good?”
The structure: notice something specific + ask without an audience + don’t demand a long answer. That’s the check-in.
How often is enough
Once a month is the minimum. Every two weeks is better. The point isn’t the call itself. The point is that he knows you’re still around and still asking. The cadence is the message.
What to do if he answers honestly
If a brother says “actually, not great,” the rules from how to support a Canadian man’s mental health kick in. Don’t fix. Don’t compare. Don’t minimize. Just listen long enough that he runs out of armour. Then offer one resource, not five.
What to do if he doesn’t answer
Don’t take it personally. Don’t double-text the same day. Try again next week. Most Canadian men who eventually opened up were asked by someone who kept asking, gently, over time.
The #BeTheFlare connection
MenTELL’s national peer-to-peer campaign for Men’s Mental Health Month is #BeTheFlare. The mechanic is the same as checking on your boys, just public. Film one short video, share one thing you wish you had told your younger self, say the names of two brothers out loud on camera, tag them, and give them 48 hours to keep the flare alive.
If your boys aren’t in your phone
Some of us drifted years ago. Texts you haven’t sent in three years aren’t weird. They’re overdue. The only person making it weird is you. Send the text.
Verified Canadian resources for men
If a brother needs more than a check-in, two trusted Canadian sources are HeadsUpGuys (University of British Columbia) and the Canadian Men’s Health Foundation. If he’s in crisis, 9-8-8.
Sources
Mental Health Commission of Canada
